The tides are turning. Almost one third of working women in the US now out-earn their husbands. Women now make up 58 percent of college students pursuing a bachelor’s degree and six out of ten graduate degrees. In the current recession, three men have lost their jobs for every one woman that has and because of that women now make up the majority of the workforce. An estimated 158,000 unemployed fathers of children under 15 are caring for their kids full time while their wives work.

For most couples this is uncharted territory. Without many firsthand role models it can be difficult to know how to structure the relationship, finances, decision making and family life. Traditionally men have relied on their ability to earn money and support their families as a source of self esteem. But these new roles require couples to rethink their ideas of gender roles, family structure and, even, what is sexy.

If you are a woman whose spouse or boyfriend earns less than you, here are a few tips to help things run smoothly.

1. Make it clear that value in a relationship in not based on earning power. Do this by acknowledging his contributions to the relationship both verbally and with acts of affection.

2. Support his career and passions. Just because he isn’t earning as much as you doesn’t mean that his job is any less important to him.

3. Make household decision together. Traditionally the person who earned the most money got to make the choices but that diminishes the importance of the person who is earning less.

4. Brag to your friends. Let him hear you telling your friends how terrific he is. This allows him to hear how much you respect him and also helps your friends to value him as well.

5. Let him pull out his wallet. If you are married and out to dinner, let him take the check regardless of where the actual money comes from that pays the credit card bill. If you are still in the dating stage, let him pick restaurants that he can afford so he can have the opportunity to take you out.

6. Divide the labor fairly. When deciding who is going to do which chores at home, don’t let earning be a factor. Make those decisions based on time, skill and strengths.

7. Make big financial decisions together. Don’t assume that just because you are earning more that you can go out and buy a new car without any discussion. Operating as a team is crucial.

8. Make long term goals together. Have common goals that you can work towards together. It is easier to hear him say, “Let’s not eat out tonight so we can put more money into the house fund” when you know that choice is based on plans for a future together. You are far less likely to have an entitled attitude (i.e.“I earned it so I should get to decide how we spend it”). Sacrificing and working together as a team helps bring you closer.

9. Have a joint bank account as well as individual accounts. This makes it so you don’t have to ask each other for permission for every purchase. This can help avoid making him feeling infantilized and you feeling resentful. It also allows for a surprise birthday gift.

10. Communicate your expectations clearly and respectfully. Clear and honest communication about what is working and what isn’t helps couples improve their relationship. Keep in mind that these issues of money and power are sensitive ones. Make sure to discuss them when you are calm. It helps to write down each of your agreed responsibilities and continue to reassess as time goes on.

Last month I got a call on my radio show from Ashley who was unhappy with the pay at her job and when she approached her boss was only given a 50 cent raise which didn’t even show up on her pay check. The call got me thinking about “the ask” and how hard it is for so many women.

Typically women don’t ask for what they want as frequently as men do. In the ground-breaking book Women Don’t Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide authors Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever found that the results of this lack of negotiation skills snow balls over time. In Babcock’s study examining the starting salaries of men and women graduates of Carnegie Mellon University she found that, on average, men’s first salaries were $4,000 higher. Upon further examination, she found that 57 percent of the men had asked for more money after receiving the initial offer whereas only 7 percent of the women had. Study after study revealed the same type of results. When researchers looked at this disparity and played out the salaries of these men and women over the course of a professional life time they found that, just by asking, the men earned $568,834 more than the women. Because the salary of your second job is usually based on your first, as are your raises, starting off at a lower salary ultimately leads to a serious disparity between the sexes. Professors Robin L. Pinkley and Gregory B. Northcraft, authors of Get Paid What You’re Worth, estimate that a woman who routinely negotiates her salary will earn over a million dollars more than her female counterpart who does not ask for more money, over the course of her entire career.

Legendary psychologist Carol Gilligan was the first to talk about what she called the “tyranny of niceness,”  the way American culture encourages females to be people pleasers at their own expense. This cultural pressure to put other’s needs first, to ignore one’s own feelings and to avoid asking for what one wants because it might make other people uncomfortable has traditionally been felt by and harmed women the most. Because women tend to be relationship oriented they are more likely to subvert their own desires to please others or to avoid a potential conflict. Whether it is asking for a raise, a better job opportunity, help at home, or for a boyfriend to wear a condom it is a crucial life skill that must be mastered.

When it comes to meeting a potential soulmate, the worldwide web is one of the greatest resources a single person has. In addition to an abundance of dating websites and chat rooms, the web provides tons of information about singles events, matchmakers and great tips. But when it comes to internet dating, safety is crucial.

To begin with, take the time to get to know your potential date. After contacting each other through a site make sure to spend some time emailing back and forth before even sharing a phone number. Once you speak on the phone, take a little time to screen your potential date and get to know him.

Don’t be lulled into a false sense of security because you have talked to someone on the phone for a while. You are still meeting a stranger so you must take precautions. Make sure to always follow these tips.

1) Trust your gut. Most people are encouraged to disregard their intuitive process for a more logical one. This is a huge mistake. In his book The Gift of Fear, Gavin De Becker hypothesizes that intuition is really created from reading hundreds of subtle logical signs around us and drawing quick conclusions. He says that intuition is actually a cognitive process that is superior to logical thought.

 2) Never get into a car with your date. Keep in mind, no matter how many times you emailed, IMed, G Chatted, Facebooked or BBMed he is still a stranger. As soon as you get into a car you have lost your power. Once inside, your date can take you anywhere and do anything with you. Don’t take that chance, even if it seems romantic to let him drive you home.

3) Give a friend all the information you have before a date. Make sure that a good friend knows where you are going and what time you will be home. You should also share all identifying information you have about your date such as his online profile, place of employment, phone number, etc. before leaving for the date.

4) Do a mini background check. You don’t have to do a formal background check but at the very least you should check out his Facebook page, twitter, website, and do a Google search. You would be amazed by how many women have discovered that their online Casanova was married just by checking Facebook.

5) Meet in a public place for your date. Meet in a public populated area. You should have people nearby in case things don’t feel safe at any point.

6) Stay sober. Alcohol can really impair your judgment both in terms of picking a good date and deciding where to go after the date. A date is a job interview. You are interviewing your date for the potential job of boyfriend or husband. Don’t drink on the job.

7) Be selective about the dating sites you use. The more time, energy or money a person has to put into enrolling and creating a profile, the less likely a prankster is to use it. A site that requires a credit card to pay means that your date is potentially traceable.

Look for red flags. While people are generally on their best behavior on first dates, sometimes clues emerge that indicate someone who is not safe. Keep an eye out for people who:

• Look dramatically different than their photo
• Don’t answer questions directly
• Contradict something in their profile or that they told you on the phone
• Come on too strong or is not respectful of boundaries
• Treat the wait staff poorly by being demeaning, critical or difficult
• Make disrespectful comments to or about you
• Ask you for personal information (home address, bank account information, etc.)

Between Tiger Woods’ many affairs, former presidential candidate John Edwards denying being the baby daddy to his mistresses’ two year old child, Charlie Sheen’s alleged domestic violence and Governor Mark Sanford’s highly publicized tryst in Buenos Aires, people have been asking me a lot about forgiveness.

While marital infidelity is never acceptable, there is a big difference between an impulsive, one time, drunken mistake and an ongoing, lengthy affair that involves ongoing lies and deceit. It was not surprising that Jenny Sanford filed for divorce last month given the level and frequency of deception in this case which was off the charts and from which it would have been nearly impossible to recover.

 Thinking about forgiving someone who has harmed you? Here are the four “R’s” I recommend you examine before deciding whether or not to forgive:

1. Take responsibility. Has the person taken responsibility for their actions or are they still blaming, accusing or making excesses?
2. Show remorse. Does the person seem genuinely sorry for what they have done or are they just paying you lip service? Do they seem to genuinely understand why what they did was wrong and how it has harmed others?
3. Take steps to avoid repeating the same kind of mistake. What is being done to assure the same mistake is not going to happen again? Has the person started therapy or religious counseling? Has s/he agreed to stop spending time with someone with whom they have experienced temptation? Has s/he agreed to be open and candid with information, emails, cell phone information or remove him/herself from social networking sites?
4. Work to repair the damage. A commitment to the relationship and working to repair the damage caused are important parts of moving forward. It takes time to heal broken trust.

 There is one exception to all of this and that is domestic violence. Domestic violence is a deal breaker. Regardless of promises, it is likely to escalate and can end in murder. According to the FBI, one third of all murder victims are killed by an intimate partner. If you are experiencing domestic violence you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224 for help.