What is the use of a house if you haven’t got a tolerable planet to put it on? – Henry David Thoreau

Earth Day has come and gone but the impact doesn’t have to. Let the day and its experiences serve as a jumping off point for your family to go “green.”

There are two facets to being “green.” The first facet is about how you and your family affect the environment. This is reflected by doing things we hear a lot about, like: recycling, composting, using both sides of the paper, turning off the water while you are brushing your teeth and turning off the lights when you leave the room. The second facet is about how you let the environment (and all the current chemicals) affect your family. In the last few decades approximately 82,000 new and synthetic chemical compounds have been introduced to our environment, less than 10 percent of which have been tested for safety. In this context, therefore, being “green” means protecting your family as well as the environment.

Having “green” values is a wonderful way to unite a family through common goals and a shared family philosophy. The thoughtful practices involved in having an environmentally conscious family extend outwards; the child who thinks about recycling is less likely to throw away a half-eaten lunch and is more likely to look around for a child who might still be hungry after eating his own lunch at school. Compassion for the Earth inspires compassion for other people and animals. Also, eco-friendly practices can extend the lives of your family members. Take plastic bottles for example. The use and reuse of plastic bottles, which often contains the hormone disrupter bisphenol-A (BPA), has been linked to diabetes, declining sperm count, obesity, and breast and prostate cancer. Making a choice to eliminate plastic bottles could help the environment as well as making your family healthier.

When I began doing the research for my latest book SuperBaby: 12 Ways to Give Your Child a Head Start in the First 3 Years I was overwhelmed by all the things I needed to do to help our family go “greener.” I wanted to do them all but it seemed nearly impossible to make them all happen at once. What I learned writing the book was that small steps can make a big difference and that you don’t have to make every change overnight.

Changing the products you buy is a great first step and can make a big difference. For example triclosan, one of the key chemicals in antibacterial products, is a hormone disrupter that has also been linked to weakened immune systems, decreased fertility, altered sex hormones, birth defects, and cancer. So pervasive is this chemical in our everyday lives that a 2004 study conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) found that nearly three-quarters of adults and children older than six had detectable levels of triclosan in their systems. When you wash your hands with an antibacterial soap, it breaks down rapidly, due to the warm, chlorinated water that you have probably been instructed to use for optimal hand-washing protocol. According to a 2005 study printed in the journal Environmental Science and Technology, however, using warm, chlorinated water forms toxic chemicals, including chloroform, in as little as a minute. These chemicals then travel down the drain, ending up in rivers and streams harming wildlife. “Walk up to any two streams in the U.S., and one will contain triclosan and triclocarban,” says Dr. Rolf Halden, associate professor at Arizona State University’s Biodesign Institute. Once you know to avoid triclosan, it is easy enough to find great hand sanitizing products and soaps that don’t have it like: Burt’s Bees, Cleanwell, EO, Nature’s Paradise, and many others.

Wondering what you can do to get your family off to a “green” start? Try these tips:

• Have a weekly family meeting  to discuss family business and make one new “green” goal each week.
• Make a family pact to not use plastic for one week or have a contest to see who can go the longest.
• Plant a vegetable garden together. It is great way to do something kind for the environment, save money, work together, and kids are more enthusiastic about eating the food they grow.
• It you are not ready to go vegan or vegetarian, try “Meatless Mondays”. Research has shown that animal agriculture is the single largest source of methane, which is a greenhouse gas that is twenty-one times more powerful than carbon dioxide.
• Change cleaning products to less toxic chemicals. Not only is it better for the environment but it means you can get your kids more involved cleaning the house without worrying about inhaling toxic fumes.
• Read “green” books together. Books are one of the best ways to reinforce the environmental message. You can start at birth with “green” board books. Don’t forget to continue to read to your child, even after he can read to himself. It is a great way to connect and talk about your beliefs.

Some terrific “green” books to get your family started are: Eco Babies Wear Green , I’m Not Too Little to Help the Earth, The Earth and I , Growing Green: A Young Person’s Guide to Taking Care of the Planet , 10 Things I Can Do to Help My World, The Lorax , Michael Recycle Meets Litterbug Doug , Winston of Churchill: One Bear’s Battle Against Global Warming and The Down-to earth Guide to Global Warming.

Dear Dr. Jenn,

I listen to your show every day on my way from work on Cosmo radio. You are such a gift and give such great advice! This time I am in desperate need of your expert opinion! I have a 23 months old and she is petrified of taking baths. Last summer, when she was around 18 months she slipped in the pool and went under water for a brief 3 seconds, but it traumatized her enough to be terrified of water. It took 6 month for to start getting comfortable taking baths and she even started squatting down to play. I couldn’t be happier! About 3 weeks ago we were doing our usual bath routine (she takes baths with her 5 year old sister), I undressed her and put her in the tub, and the moment her feet touched the water she started not crying, but screaming on top of her lungs “mama all done”…Ever since then she runs away and hides from me every time it’s time to get clean. I already reduced bath time to once a week, and use wipes other days. We have tried everything: papa getting in the tub with her in swim shorts; taking shower with me while I am holding her next to my skin, nothing seems to help. We are back at square one, and the most tear-jerking part is her holding on so tight, shivering and really crying, and I am not able to help. What can I do? Thank you!

Julia

There is nothing worse than seeing our child suffering and scared. Your daughter has a great memory and she wants to make sure that nothing like that ever happens again. I have a few recommendations:

1. Validate her feelings. All too often parents just want to make the discomfort go away so they say things like, “It’s okay” or “You’re okay” (Are you guilty of this one? Most parents are.) but in that moment she is not. She is terrified. Instead, validate her experience, “You are remembering when you fell in the pool. That was really scary!” and let her know you are going to keep her safe “I am not going to let that happen again.”

2. Make sure to give her optimal bathing conditions. Make sure that she is not too hungry or tired when you give her a bath. She needs to go into the experience without being cranky or exhausted.

3. Bathe her alone. I know it is a pain to take the time to do two separate bathes but right now she needs the individual attention. She needs to be the sole focus during bath time until her anxiety dissipates. I would also recommend keeping one hand on her at all times during the bath to help her feel safer.

4. Play in the “dry” tub. Try to create some positive associations with the bath tub by playing in it together when she does not need a bath. Put some of her toys in the tub and hang out in there together playing so it becomes less scary and she doesn’t think that she will have to be in water every time she is near the tub.

5. Try starting the bath without water. Let her sit in the tub and literally ad water one cup at a time, making it a fun game for her. Make sure you keep the water level very low the whole time as she gets more comfortable.

6. Get some distraction toys. Let her bring a favorite toy into the tub. Get some balloons and give them to her in the tub (my kids are obsessed!). Try getting some new bath toys like the Sassy Fun Fishing Toy, Tub Tunes Water Drums, Green Spouts Stacking Cups, Alex Jr. Water Xylophone, or Muchkin Disco Tub Lights.

7. Make your tub slip proof. Make sure you have a no slip bath mat so that she does not have that feeling like she is going to slip which is likely to trigger her fear reaction.

8. Try a different tub. Don’t worry, you don’t have to redo your bathroom for this. You may want to consider getting a small portable tub like the FlexiBath or something crazy looking like a duck tub. Having a smaller enclosed tub might feel less overwhelming to her. Truthfully I think the water is scaring her more than the actual tub but I do think her fears of slipping are a trigger and a smaller more manageable tub might help.

Time will heal this memory eventually but I am hoping that one or more of these tips helps speed up the process. Thanks so much for listening to my show on Cosmo Radio and following me on Facebook! Please let me know what happens!

This year we did something different for Hanukkah. Inspired by a comment one of my twin four-year-old daughters that she likes birthdays “because of the gifts,” my wise husband suggested that we start a new Hanukkah ritual of giving, instead of receiving.

In order to prepare them for the new tradition, I let my daughters know in advance that our first night (tonight) would be about helping others and that each of them would have an important job to do. They were both really excited.

After we lit the candles, I gave each of them three pieces of paper that listed a charity and showed an image having to do with that organization (they each got the same three charities to chose from in order to avoid fighting). I choose charities that had to do with animals, babies and young children because those are topics that interest both of my girls. I let them know they each had $10 to give to the charity of their choice and explained to them how each charity would most likely use that money to help their cause and let them pick for themselves.

When faced between choosing The March of Dimes, Farm Sanctuary, and Half the Sky Quincy and Mendez had a tough time deciding. At first both girls seemed set on Farm Sanctuary. I have to admit that picture of those cute rescued pigs were very persuasive. But in the end they chose to help Chinese orphans with Half the Sky. This wonderful organization provides nurture and stimulation programs for babies, innovative preschools that encourage an early love of learning, personalized learning opportunities for older children, and foster homes for children whose special needs will keep them from being adopted.

Then something interesting happened. Both my daughters asked if instead of getting presents in the second night of Hanukkah, they could give to another one of the charities. Perhaps we are onto something? I am really excited to help these wonderful organizations and to make this an annual tradition.

What kind of family traditions have you started to teach your children about giving to others?

Don’t miss Susan Heim’s terrific SuperBaby give-away! Just follow the instructions on her website to enter and win.

Winner gets a copy of SuperBaby: 12 Ways to Give Your Child a Head Start in the First 3 Years and an organic SuperBaby onesie from Retail Therapy.

Offer expires December 7th so get your entries in now!

I am so thrilled to announce that Naturepedic is very generously giving away one free Naturepadic mattress at each of the four SuperBaby events next week! Naturepedic is considered to be the gold standard in organic mattresses. My kids sleep on these mattresses themselves and I recommend them in SuperBaby:12 Ways to Give Your Child a Head Start in the First 3 Years.

They believe, as do I, that a natural and organic baby crib mattress is the first step toward a healthy crib environment for your baby. Other mattresses are commonly made with petroleum-based synthetics, polyurethane foam, vinyl (PVC), phthalates, chemical fire retardants, and an extensive list of added industrial chemicals that have been linked to health risks. Naturepdic avoids those toxic chemicals. For more info checkout their site at www.Naturepedic.com.

 Join me at the signings and get one raffle ticket for each book purchased. Raffles will be drawn at the end of the night and winners will be notified (don’t forget to write your phone number on the back of your tickets!).

 Monday, September 13th at 7 PM at The Pump Station Westlake 2879 Agoura Rd. Westlake Village, CA 91361

Tuesday, September 14^th at 6:30 PM for West LA Parents of Multiples Private home (members only)

 Wednesday, September 15th at 7 PM at The Little Seed 219 N. Larchmont Blvd. LA 90004

Thursday, September 16th at 7 PM at The Pump Station Santa Monica 2415 Wilshire Blvd. Santa Monica, CA 90403

To RSVP to the events email SuperBaby@SterlingPublishing.com and indicate which signings you will attend or just stop by!

In my first book, The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy Confident Kids, I talked about how this new mentality of not keeping scores at kids’ games and giving awards to everyone who participates is actually harming our children. It prevents them from realistically assessing themselves, creates a sense of entitlement (“I showed up! Where’s my trophy?”) and prevents children from learning how to tolerate life’s disappointments.

I felt a little differently this weekend when my twin daughters, who are three years old, performed in their first ice skating competition. They have been skating for fun since they were two and recently when they were asked if they wanted to perform in the upcoming competition, gave an enthusiastic, “yes.” I suspect that knowing they would get to pick the music and the hope of getting an ice skating dress made it seem like a cool idea.

Watching each of my beautiful daughters perform in front of a crowd of people brought tears to my eyes. As a former elite level athlete (in rhythmic gymnastics), I know how much courage it takes to perform in front of a crowd and I couldn’t help but think that anyone who does it deserves a medal! That said, it was a tense moment for me when I realized that my daughters, who made up the entire age division, would  place first and second. Fortunately, they are not yet at an age where they know the difference between the red ribbon and the blue ribbon and there was no awards ceremony.

I do still believe that it is important that children have the experience of learning about themselves in a competitive environment. Both the experience of winning and, even more so, losing are incredibly valuable. That said, I think my girls can wait a couple more years before gaining an in depth knowledge about the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.

During pregnancy women have nine months to adjust to the idea of a baby. We put the baby’s needs before our own from the start. We take our prenatals even if we don’t usually take vitamins. We suffer through morning sickness that sometimes lasts all day. We forsake our favorite foods and drinks—sushi, Cesar salad, certain cheeses, wine, and raw chocolate chip cookie dough. We feel life moving inside of us. But for men it is more abstract. They see changes in us and our bodies but it is harder for them to connect to the baby growing inside of us until they meet. Usually men focus on the financial concerns and express their anxiety there. Most men are a little shell shocked when baby arrives. They are used to feeling competent and being in control. Nobody is in control of baby. Frequently, men don’t fully connect with their child until some time between the first “social smile” and the first word.

Do your best to include him. Teach him how to do the baby related tasks so that he feels confident. If he doesn’t do it exactly the same way you do it, let it go unless he is doing something dangerous. Help him build on his growing strengths as a father.

We have all heard that television viewing can make kids more aggressive and even violent. But physical violence is not the only type of aggression that is effected by television viewing and violent shows are not the only shows parents need to be concerned about. In a study of media exposure and preschooler age children, researchers Drs. Jamie Ostrov and Douglas Gentile found that the more educational media children viewed, the more relationally aggressive they were. Relational aggression is when a relationship is used to inflict harm such as malicious secrets, lies, gossip, intentionally shunning, ignoring or ostracizing a peer. This type of aggression was found to be especially significant among girls. It is believed that young children, even preschoolers, have a difficult time understanding plots and, as a result, miss the overall message. Instead they learn from each of the behaviors demonstrated in the show, including relationally aggressive behavior. Even so-called “prosocial shows” designed for children show a high level of relational aggression. Most shows spend the majority of the program establishing conflict between characters and only a few minutes resolving it, leaving young children more likely to remember the mean behavior as opposed to the moral message. In an analysis of children’s programming by Dr. Cynthia Scheibe it was found that 66.6 percent of “prosocial shows” contained insults which is not dramatically better than the average children’s show which was found to have insults 96 percent of the time.

Holding and rocking a baby is very instinctual and any parent knows it feels wonderful. But did you know that it is also advantageous to your child’s development? Here are a few reasons why:

1. It helps digestion. According the Ashley Montagu, author of the book Touching: The Human Significance of Skin, rocking assists the movement of the intestine like a pendulum and thus serves to improve digestion and absorption.

2. It calms the baby. Researchers have found that we naturally rock our babies at the same 60-70 cycles per minute pace that they experience in utero. Also, the synchrony that tends to result in the parent and infants heart rate recreates the familiar environment that was so soothing in utero.

3. It helps the inner ear. Part of the calming effect comes from the inner ear, which maintains equilibrium. Rocking helps infants to find their place in space and ultimately to keep their heads up in a neutral position.

4. It helps promote healthy weight gain. A study of twins, where one twin was rocked thirty minutes twice a day and the other was not rocked at all, found that the rocked infant gained weight faster than the non-rocked twin in every single instance.

5. Rocked infants are better able to track visual and auditory stimuli. Professor Mary Neal’s study of rocked infants found that, not only were rocked infants better able to follow visual and auditory stimuli but, they also gained more weight than non-rocked infants in a control group.

6. It helps circulation. According to Montagu, “Rocking, in both babies and adults, increases cardiac output and is helpful to circulation; it promotes respiration and discourages lung congestion; [and] it stimulates muscle tone….”

So after three years, three months, two weeks and five days of a screen-free existence (not even as background noise), my daughters Quincy and Mendez watched television for the first time. Why did we wait so long to introduce them to videos, movies and television programs you might wonder? Isn’t it educational? Aren’t there benefits? Well, for children under the age of three, not so much. Even The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that parents wait until at least two years of age.

In the past five years I have spent a lot of time reading research on the effects of television on young minds and have come to the conclusion that children are best served by waiting to watch television until they are at least three years old. I feel strongly about the value of waiting and have written extensively about the reasons I found compelling in my “Dr. Jenn” column in Los Angeles Family Magazine, my book The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy Confident Kids , and in my upcoming book SuperBaby: 12 Ways to Give Your Child a Head Start in the First 3 Years.

But I digress. Back to my own experience in opening this virtual Pandora’s box. Prior to introducing it, my husband and I decided to do a few things:

We made a screen time plan. We decided that television would not be a normal, daily event; that we would only watch it one time each week and that it would only be for a maximum of 30 minutes. We let our children know this plan in advance.

We chose commercial-free shows. By choosing a DVD or a show on the DVR, parents can avoid advertising which targets children, especially children of an age that don’t yet understand the difference between programming and commercials. These damaging, targeted commercials are incredibly effective at convincing them they need to make their parents buy their products and low nutrient foods in order to be happy.

We prescreened the shows. In addition to reading reviews and looking at the literature about children’s programming, we pre-screened the shows to make sure there wasn’t anything objectionable to us or which did not meet our parenting values or philosophy.

We made the experience an event. We decided that television viewing would be done as a family and that the children would never watch by themselves. We engaged our kids during the program by asking them about things in the program and followed up by doing activities related to the shows so that they would have a multidimensional experience.

So what did we watch? This has been the most frequent question I have been asked. The first two times we sat the kids down to watch TV, we watched Signing Time! which is one of my favorite children’s series. The show is filled with catchy music and sign language, the images are not overwhelming, the children are diverse in look and ethnicity and the messages are sweet. Our children have been listening to Signing Time! CDs and reading Signing Time! books since they were babies so this was an easy first step for us. Week one we watched Everyday Signs and week two we watched ABC Signs.

The next time we watched a video called Wonder Pets which is a terrific, operetta-like cartoon about animals who help save other animals. While we watched the show we occasionally stopped to try new signs or talk about what was happening, which took the experience of sitting and watching from being a completely passive time to an interactive and engaging activity and opportunity for bonding and learning with your kids. We also spent some time after watching Signing Time! listening to the CDs and practicing our signing.

So far this has been a very positive experience for both kids and parents. I can see how easy it would be to use the television as a babysitter or to turn it on when we are out of creative parenting ideas (or energy). However, we have made a commitment to do our best to provide interesting and educational moments so it is important to us to make our television experience both entertaining as well as a learning opportunity. I am especially excited for my kids to see things that they would not normally see in their own environment such as baby animals in the Serengeti, Olympic figure skaters, and foreign cultures and locales.