For most couples this is uncharted territory. Without many firsthand role models it can be difficult to know how to structure the relationship, finances, decision making and family life. Traditionally men have relied on their ability to earn money and support their families as a source of self esteem. But these new roles require couples to rethink their ideas of gender roles, family structure and, even, what is sexy.

If you are a woman whose spouse or boyfriend earns less than you, here are a few tips to help things run smoothly.

1. Make it clear that value in a relationship in not based on earning power. Do this by acknowledging his contributions to the relationship both verbally and with acts of affection.

2. Support his career and passions. Just because he isn’t earning as much as you doesn’t mean that his job is any less important to him.

3. Make household decision together. Traditionally the person who earned the most money got to make the choices but that diminishes the importance of the person who is earning less.

4. Brag to your friends. Let him hear you telling your friends how terrific he is. This allows him to hear how much you respect him and also helps your friends to value him as well.

5. Let him pull out his wallet. If you are married and out to dinner, let him take the check regardless of where the actual money comes from that pays the credit card bill. If you are still in the dating stage, let him pick restaurants that he can afford so he can have the opportunity to take you out.

6. Divide the labor fairly. When deciding who is going to do which chores at home, don’t let earning be a factor. Make those decisions based on time, skill and strengths.

7. Make big financial decisions together. Don’t assume that just because you are earning more that you can go out and buy a new car without any discussion. Operating as a team is crucial.

8. Make long term goals together. Have common goals that you can work towards together. It is easier to hear him say, “Let’s not eat out tonight so we can put more money into the house fund” when you know that choice is based on plans for a future together. You are far less likely to have an entitled attitude (i.e.“I earned it so I should get to decide how we spend it”). Sacrificing and working together as a team helps bring you closer.

9. Have a joint bank account as well as individual accounts. This makes it so you don’t have to ask each other for permission for every purchase. This can help avoid making him feeling infantilized and you feeling resentful. It also allows for a surprise birthday gift.

10. Communicate your expectations clearly and respectfully. Clear and honest communication about what is working and what isn’t helps couples improve their relationship. Keep in mind that these issues of money and power are sensitive ones. Make sure to discuss them when you are calm. It helps to write down each of your agreed responsibilities and continue to reassess as time goes on.

In light of the revelation about Jesse James allegedly cheating on Sandra Bullock, I have been getting asked a lot of questions about cheating. Why do men cheat? Why would a man cheat on a beautiful movie star like Sandra Bullock? If people like Sandra Bullock, Uma Thurman, and Halle Berry can’t “keep their man” what hope do the rest of us have?

The statistics on men and cheating vary tremendously according to an American Sexual Behavior study, 22 percent of married men cheat. Yet infidelity researcher and author of The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It Gary Neuman found in his research that 1 in 2.7 men cheat.

Historically we have been lead to believe that men cheat primarily because they seek variety in their sexual partners. But Neuman’s work debunks that myth. Ninety-two percent of men in his study said the affair was not primarily about the sex. “The majority said it was an emotional disconnection, specifically a sense of feeling underappreciated. A lack of thoughtful gestures,” says Neuman.

Further supporting the idea that affairs are not really about sex is Neuman’s other finding that 88 percent of the men surveyed said the other women were no better looking or in no better shape than their own wives which supports the idea that you don’t have to be a supermodel to “keep your man.”