During pregnancy women have nine months to adjust to the idea of a baby. We put the baby’s needs before our own from the start. We take our prenatals even if we don’t usually take vitamins. We suffer through morning sickness that sometimes lasts all day. We forsake our favorite foods and drinks—sushi, Cesar salad, certain cheeses, wine, and raw chocolate chip cookie dough. We feel life moving inside of us. But for men it is more abstract. They see changes in us and our bodies but it is harder for them to connect to the baby growing inside of us until they meet. Usually men focus on the financial concerns and express their anxiety there. Most men are a little shell shocked when baby arrives. They are used to feeling competent and being in control. Nobody is in control of baby. Frequently, men don’t fully connect with their child until some time between the first “social smile” and the first word.

Do your best to include him. Teach him how to do the baby related tasks so that he feels confident. If he doesn’t do it exactly the same way you do it, let it go unless he is doing something dangerous. Help him build on his growing strengths as a father.

Holding and rocking a baby is very instinctual and any parent knows it feels wonderful. But did you know that it is also advantageous to your child’s development? Here are a few reasons why:

1. It helps digestion. According the Ashley Montagu, author of the book Touching: The Human Significance of Skin, rocking assists the movement of the intestine like a pendulum and thus serves to improve digestion and absorption.

2. It calms the baby. Researchers have found that we naturally rock our babies at the same 60-70 cycles per minute pace that they experience in utero. Also, the synchrony that tends to result in the parent and infants heart rate recreates the familiar environment that was so soothing in utero.

3. It helps the inner ear. Part of the calming effect comes from the inner ear, which maintains equilibrium. Rocking helps infants to find their place in space and ultimately to keep their heads up in a neutral position.

4. It helps promote healthy weight gain. A study of twins, where one twin was rocked thirty minutes twice a day and the other was not rocked at all, found that the rocked infant gained weight faster than the non-rocked twin in every single instance.

5. Rocked infants are better able to track visual and auditory stimuli. Professor Mary Neal’s study of rocked infants found that, not only were rocked infants better able to follow visual and auditory stimuli but, they also gained more weight than non-rocked infants in a control group.

6. It helps circulation. According to Montagu, “Rocking, in both babies and adults, increases cardiac output and is helpful to circulation; it promotes respiration and discourages lung congestion; [and] it stimulates muscle tone….”