Last fall when my book SuperBaby: 12 Ways to Give Your Child a Head Start in the First 3 Years launched I gave away SuperBaby swag bags filled with tons of my favorite products. The bags were such a huge hit (one was even featured in Star Magazine!) that I decided to do a rockin’ roll themed bag for my new children’s book Rockin’ Babies. Like the book, the bag is filled with edgy, cool, funky stuff that will make you smile. Each bag is valued at approximately $200. After all, you shouldn’t have to be a celebrity to get a great swag bag! For details about events where the bag will be given out, see below.

Wondering what is in the bag? Drum roll please…

Each bag has the following:

2 non-toxic Rockin’ Babies Tattoos

1 Rockabye Baby CD

1 DVD of Baby Signing Time! and one CD of Signing Time! Volume 1-3 I highly recommend these DVDs for parents to learn sign and also for children over the age of  three.

1 box Trumpettes socks (6 pairs!)

1 pair Baby Banz sunglasses

1 full size package of Boogie Wipes, two mini samples, a Boogie plush toy and coupons

2 pairs My Little Legs   

1 Personalized Pacifier with a saying like “Rock On,” “Rock Star,” “Rock On,” and others.

1 pack Silly Bandz RockBandz shapes

2 bottles Piggy Paint nail polish

Rock in Green laundry and cloth diaper detergent

1 pair Sourpuss skull and cross bones socks

1 Highlights High Five Magazine

1 set of 3 Delta Adjustable “Grow with Me” Hangers

Happy Baby Puffs  and coupons

1 coupon for 20% off Retail Therapy

Wondering how to get a bag? They will be available at each of the following events:

*NEW UPDATED EVENT DATES*

Friday, June 24^th at 3 pm “Raising Book Lovers” at The Pump Station in Westlake Dr. Jenn and co-author Cynthia Weil will talk about Rockin’ Babies and read the book. Then Dr. Jenn will discuss how parents can raise children who love to read and why that is important and then answer questions from audience members. RSVP (805) 777-7179 or Info@pumpstation.com *The first 30 people who buy 3 books will get a bag*

Saturday, June 25^th at 11:15 am “Rockin’ Babies Palooza” at The Pump Station Santa Monica Bring your kids (all ages are welcome) to the Pump Station for live music, face painting, organic baby food tasting, non-toxic tattoos and, of course, a reading of Rockin’ Babies by Dr. Jenn and Cynthia. RSVP (310) 998-1981 or Info@pumpstation.com *The first 30 people who buy 3 books will get a bag*

Sunday, June 26^th at 10 am “Raising Book Lovers” at The Pump Station Hollywood Book reading, lecture about children and reading, and audience Q and A period. RSVP (323) 469-5300 or Info@pumpstation.com *The first 30 people who buy 3 books will get a bag*

For other opportunities to get your ROCKIN’ BABIES swag bag follow Dr. Jenn on twitter or Facebook.

What is the use of a house if you haven’t got a tolerable planet to put it on? – Henry David Thoreau

Earth Day has come and gone but the impact doesn’t have to. Let the day and its experiences serve as a jumping off point for your family to go “green.”

There are two facets to being “green.” The first facet is about how you and your family affect the environment. This is reflected by doing things we hear a lot about, like: recycling, composting, using both sides of the paper, turning off the water while you are brushing your teeth and turning off the lights when you leave the room. The second facet is about how you let the environment (and all the current chemicals) affect your family. In the last few decades approximately 82,000 new and synthetic chemical compounds have been introduced to our environment, less than 10 percent of which have been tested for safety. In this context, therefore, being “green” means protecting your family as well as the environment.

Having “green” values is a wonderful way to unite a family through common goals and a shared family philosophy. The thoughtful practices involved in having an environmentally conscious family extend outwards; the child who thinks about recycling is less likely to throw away a half-eaten lunch and is more likely to look around for a child who might still be hungry after eating his own lunch at school. Compassion for the Earth inspires compassion for other people and animals. Also, eco-friendly practices can extend the lives of your family members. Take plastic bottles for example. The use and reuse of plastic bottles, which often contains the hormone disrupter bisphenol-A (BPA), has been linked to diabetes, declining sperm count, obesity, and breast and prostate cancer. Making a choice to eliminate plastic bottles could help the environment as well as making your family healthier.

When I began doing the research for my latest book SuperBaby: 12 Ways to Give Your Child a Head Start in the First 3 Years I was overwhelmed by all the things I needed to do to help our family go “greener.” I wanted to do them all but it seemed nearly impossible to make them all happen at once. What I learned writing the book was that small steps can make a big difference and that you don’t have to make every change overnight.

Changing the products you buy is a great first step and can make a big difference. For example triclosan, one of the key chemicals in antibacterial products, is a hormone disrupter that has also been linked to weakened immune systems, decreased fertility, altered sex hormones, birth defects, and cancer. So pervasive is this chemical in our everyday lives that a 2004 study conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) found that nearly three-quarters of adults and children older than six had detectable levels of triclosan in their systems. When you wash your hands with an antibacterial soap, it breaks down rapidly, due to the warm, chlorinated water that you have probably been instructed to use for optimal hand-washing protocol. According to a 2005 study printed in the journal Environmental Science and Technology, however, using warm, chlorinated water forms toxic chemicals, including chloroform, in as little as a minute. These chemicals then travel down the drain, ending up in rivers and streams harming wildlife. “Walk up to any two streams in the U.S., and one will contain triclosan and triclocarban,” says Dr. Rolf Halden, associate professor at Arizona State University’s Biodesign Institute. Once you know to avoid triclosan, it is easy enough to find great hand sanitizing products and soaps that don’t have it like: Burt’s Bees, Cleanwell, EO, Nature’s Paradise, and many others.

Wondering what you can do to get your family off to a “green” start? Try these tips:

• Have a weekly family meeting  to discuss family business and make one new “green” goal each week.
• Make a family pact to not use plastic for one week or have a contest to see who can go the longest.
• Plant a vegetable garden together. It is great way to do something kind for the environment, save money, work together, and kids are more enthusiastic about eating the food they grow.
• It you are not ready to go vegan or vegetarian, try “Meatless Mondays”. Research has shown that animal agriculture is the single largest source of methane, which is a greenhouse gas that is twenty-one times more powerful than carbon dioxide.
• Change cleaning products to less toxic chemicals. Not only is it better for the environment but it means you can get your kids more involved cleaning the house without worrying about inhaling toxic fumes.
• Read “green” books together. Books are one of the best ways to reinforce the environmental message. You can start at birth with “green” board books. Don’t forget to continue to read to your child, even after he can read to himself. It is a great way to connect and talk about your beliefs.

Some terrific “green” books to get your family started are: Eco Babies Wear Green , I’m Not Too Little to Help the Earth, The Earth and I , Growing Green: A Young Person’s Guide to Taking Care of the Planet , 10 Things I Can Do to Help My World, The Lorax , Michael Recycle Meets Litterbug Doug , Winston of Churchill: One Bear’s Battle Against Global Warming and The Down-to earth Guide to Global Warming.

The tides are turning. Almost one third of working women in the US now out-earn their husbands. Women now make up 58 percent of college students pursuing a bachelor’s degree and six out of ten graduate degrees. In the current recession, three men have lost their jobs for every one woman that has and because of that women now make up the majority of the workforce. An estimated 158,000 unemployed fathers of children under 15 are caring for their kids full time while their wives work.

For most couples this is uncharted territory. Without many firsthand role models it can be difficult to know how to structure the relationship, finances, decision making and family life. Traditionally men have relied on their ability to earn money and support their families as a source of self esteem. But these new roles require couples to rethink their ideas of gender roles, family structure and, even, what is sexy.

If you are a woman whose spouse or boyfriend earns less than you, here are a few tips to help things run smoothly.

1. Make it clear that value in a relationship in not based on earning power. Do this by acknowledging his contributions to the relationship both verbally and with acts of affection.

2. Support his career and passions. Just because he isn’t earning as much as you doesn’t mean that his job is any less important to him.

3. Make household decision together. Traditionally the person who earned the most money got to make the choices but that diminishes the importance of the person who is earning less.

4. Brag to your friends. Let him hear you telling your friends how terrific he is. This allows him to hear how much you respect him and also helps your friends to value him as well.

5. Let him pull out his wallet. If you are married and out to dinner, let him take the check regardless of where the actual money comes from that pays the credit card bill. If you are still in the dating stage, let him pick restaurants that he can afford so he can have the opportunity to take you out.

6. Divide the labor fairly. When deciding who is going to do which chores at home, don’t let earning be a factor. Make those decisions based on time, skill and strengths.

7. Make big financial decisions together. Don’t assume that just because you are earning more that you can go out and buy a new car without any discussion. Operating as a team is crucial.

8. Make long term goals together. Have common goals that you can work towards together. It is easier to hear him say, “Let’s not eat out tonight so we can put more money into the house fund” when you know that choice is based on plans for a future together. You are far less likely to have an entitled attitude (i.e.“I earned it so I should get to decide how we spend it”). Sacrificing and working together as a team helps bring you closer.

9. Have a joint bank account as well as individual accounts. This makes it so you don’t have to ask each other for permission for every purchase. This can help avoid making him feeling infantilized and you feeling resentful. It also allows for a surprise birthday gift.

10. Communicate your expectations clearly and respectfully. Clear and honest communication about what is working and what isn’t helps couples improve their relationship. Keep in mind that these issues of money and power are sensitive ones. Make sure to discuss them when you are calm. It helps to write down each of your agreed responsibilities and continue to reassess as time goes on.

Dear Dr. Jenn,

I listen to your show every day on my way from work on Cosmo radio. You are such a gift and give such great advice! This time I am in desperate need of your expert opinion! I have a 23 months old and she is petrified of taking baths. Last summer, when she was around 18 months she slipped in the pool and went under water for a brief 3 seconds, but it traumatized her enough to be terrified of water. It took 6 month for to start getting comfortable taking baths and she even started squatting down to play. I couldn’t be happier! About 3 weeks ago we were doing our usual bath routine (she takes baths with her 5 year old sister), I undressed her and put her in the tub, and the moment her feet touched the water she started not crying, but screaming on top of her lungs “mama all done”…Ever since then she runs away and hides from me every time it’s time to get clean. I already reduced bath time to once a week, and use wipes other days. We have tried everything: papa getting in the tub with her in swim shorts; taking shower with me while I am holding her next to my skin, nothing seems to help. We are back at square one, and the most tear-jerking part is her holding on so tight, shivering and really crying, and I am not able to help. What can I do? Thank you!

Julia

There is nothing worse than seeing our child suffering and scared. Your daughter has a great memory and she wants to make sure that nothing like that ever happens again. I have a few recommendations:

1. Validate her feelings. All too often parents just want to make the discomfort go away so they say things like, “It’s okay” or “You’re okay” (Are you guilty of this one? Most parents are.) but in that moment she is not. She is terrified. Instead, validate her experience, “You are remembering when you fell in the pool. That was really scary!” and let her know you are going to keep her safe “I am not going to let that happen again.”

2. Make sure to give her optimal bathing conditions. Make sure that she is not too hungry or tired when you give her a bath. She needs to go into the experience without being cranky or exhausted.

3. Bathe her alone. I know it is a pain to take the time to do two separate bathes but right now she needs the individual attention. She needs to be the sole focus during bath time until her anxiety dissipates. I would also recommend keeping one hand on her at all times during the bath to help her feel safer.

4. Play in the “dry” tub. Try to create some positive associations with the bath tub by playing in it together when she does not need a bath. Put some of her toys in the tub and hang out in there together playing so it becomes less scary and she doesn’t think that she will have to be in water every time she is near the tub.

5. Try starting the bath without water. Let her sit in the tub and literally ad water one cup at a time, making it a fun game for her. Make sure you keep the water level very low the whole time as she gets more comfortable.

6. Get some distraction toys. Let her bring a favorite toy into the tub. Get some balloons and give them to her in the tub (my kids are obsessed!). Try getting some new bath toys like the Sassy Fun Fishing Toy, Tub Tunes Water Drums, Green Spouts Stacking Cups, Alex Jr. Water Xylophone, or Muchkin Disco Tub Lights.

7. Make your tub slip proof. Make sure you have a no slip bath mat so that she does not have that feeling like she is going to slip which is likely to trigger her fear reaction.

8. Try a different tub. Don’t worry, you don’t have to redo your bathroom for this. You may want to consider getting a small portable tub like the FlexiBath or something crazy looking like a duck tub. Having a smaller enclosed tub might feel less overwhelming to her. Truthfully I think the water is scaring her more than the actual tub but I do think her fears of slipping are a trigger and a smaller more manageable tub might help.

Time will heal this memory eventually but I am hoping that one or more of these tips helps speed up the process. Thanks so much for listening to my show on Cosmo Radio and following me on Facebook! Please let me know what happens!

Last month I got a call on my radio show from Ashley who was unhappy with the pay at her job and when she approached her boss was only given a 50 cent raise which didn’t even show up on her pay check. The call got me thinking about “the ask” and how hard it is for so many women.

Typically women don’t ask for what they want as frequently as men do. In the ground-breaking book Women Don’t Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide authors Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever found that the results of this lack of negotiation skills snow balls over time. In Babcock’s study examining the starting salaries of men and women graduates of Carnegie Mellon University she found that, on average, men’s first salaries were $4,000 higher. Upon further examination, she found that 57 percent of the men had asked for more money after receiving the initial offer whereas only 7 percent of the women had. Study after study revealed the same type of results. When researchers looked at this disparity and played out the salaries of these men and women over the course of a professional life time they found that, just by asking, the men earned $568,834 more than the women. Because the salary of your second job is usually based on your first, as are your raises, starting off at a lower salary ultimately leads to a serious disparity between the sexes. Professors Robin L. Pinkley and Gregory B. Northcraft, authors of Get Paid What You’re Worth, estimate that a woman who routinely negotiates her salary will earn over a million dollars more than her female counterpart who does not ask for more money, over the course of her entire career.

Legendary psychologist Carol Gilligan was the first to talk about what she called the “tyranny of niceness,”  the way American culture encourages females to be people pleasers at their own expense. This cultural pressure to put other’s needs first, to ignore one’s own feelings and to avoid asking for what one wants because it might make other people uncomfortable has traditionally been felt by and harmed women the most. Because women tend to be relationship oriented they are more likely to subvert their own desires to please others or to avoid a potential conflict. Whether it is asking for a raise, a better job opportunity, help at home, or for a boyfriend to wear a condom it is a crucial life skill that must be mastered.

When it comes to meeting a potential soulmate, the worldwide web is one of the greatest resources a single person has. In addition to an abundance of dating websites and chat rooms, the web provides tons of information about singles events, matchmakers and great tips. But when it comes to internet dating, safety is crucial.

To begin with, take the time to get to know your potential date. After contacting each other through a site make sure to spend some time emailing back and forth before even sharing a phone number. Once you speak on the phone, take a little time to screen your potential date and get to know him.

Don’t be lulled into a false sense of security because you have talked to someone on the phone for a while. You are still meeting a stranger so you must take precautions. Make sure to always follow these tips.

1) Trust your gut. Most people are encouraged to disregard their intuitive process for a more logical one. This is a huge mistake. In his book The Gift of Fear, Gavin De Becker hypothesizes that intuition is really created from reading hundreds of subtle logical signs around us and drawing quick conclusions. He says that intuition is actually a cognitive process that is superior to logical thought.

 2) Never get into a car with your date. Keep in mind, no matter how many times you emailed, IMed, G Chatted, Facebooked or BBMed he is still a stranger. As soon as you get into a car you have lost your power. Once inside, your date can take you anywhere and do anything with you. Don’t take that chance, even if it seems romantic to let him drive you home.

3) Give a friend all the information you have before a date. Make sure that a good friend knows where you are going and what time you will be home. You should also share all identifying information you have about your date such as his online profile, place of employment, phone number, etc. before leaving for the date.

4) Do a mini background check. You don’t have to do a formal background check but at the very least you should check out his Facebook page, twitter, website, and do a Google search. You would be amazed by how many women have discovered that their online Casanova was married just by checking Facebook.

5) Meet in a public place for your date. Meet in a public populated area. You should have people nearby in case things don’t feel safe at any point.

6) Stay sober. Alcohol can really impair your judgment both in terms of picking a good date and deciding where to go after the date. A date is a job interview. You are interviewing your date for the potential job of boyfriend or husband. Don’t drink on the job.

7) Be selective about the dating sites you use. The more time, energy or money a person has to put into enrolling and creating a profile, the less likely a prankster is to use it. A site that requires a credit card to pay means that your date is potentially traceable.

Look for red flags. While people are generally on their best behavior on first dates, sometimes clues emerge that indicate someone who is not safe. Keep an eye out for people who:

• Look dramatically different than their photo
• Don’t answer questions directly
• Contradict something in their profile or that they told you on the phone
• Come on too strong or is not respectful of boundaries
• Treat the wait staff poorly by being demeaning, critical or difficult
• Make disrespectful comments to or about you
• Ask you for personal information (home address, bank account information, etc.)

Research shows that about half of all Americans make New Year’s resolutions but the vast majority don’t keep them for long. In fact, more than 1/3 of all respondents to a recent online poll did not even begin to keep their resolutions before breaking them. But in making a resolution and putting your plan into words, whether on paper or simply spoken aloud, can be very beneficial to actually keeping them throughout the year.  Those who make resolutions are ten times more likely to achieve their goals.

Most people fail at their resolutions because they make unrealistic goals. Using tools listed below from cognitive behavioral therapy and behavior modification, you can make achievable goals for 2011 and stick to them all year long.

Make small, manageable goals. If you have a history of failing to meet goals, you start to think of yourself as someone who does not keep her word to herself, which erodes self esteem. In order to rebuild self-esteem and have faith in yourself again, it is important to develop a pattern of meeting your goals. Instead of making a promise to go to the gym every day, for example, make a promise to go for a 20 minute walk once a week. Once you have the experience of success, you can add another small and manageable goal to your list.

Focus on the process instead of the outcome. You can’t control whether or not an employer hires you, but you can control what action you take that might lead to that new job. Instead of making a resolution to get a job, make one to send out three resumes a day. Give goals that are both achievable and controllable.

Change your motivation. Try looking at it from a different perspective. Instead of focusing on what you are “supposed to do,” focus on how long you want to live. I have always struggled to get myself to floss but as soon as my dental hygienist explained to me that people who floss live seven years longer, on average, I found myself flossing daily. Find new motivation when the old one has not worked.

Get all kind of support. Whether you join a 12-step group, start working with a therapist, make a plan to start exercising with a friend or join an investing club to meet financial goals, working with others and being accountable helps people accomplish their goals. One study of marathoners who trained with running buddies found that everyone who trained with a “buddy” met their running goals. Find other people you can buddy up with for other goals.

Take it one day at a time. When setting a big, long-term goal it is important to take it “one day at a time.” Getting through a week without smoking, for example, may be too overwhelming to face. Instead make a commitment to get through that day without smoking. Sometimes even that may be too much and you may need to take your resolutions one  hour at a time.

Be prepared for setbacks. Black and white thinking will get you into a lot of trouble. If you make a goal not to binge eat and then you have a “slip” and are not prepared, you are more likely to continue the bingeing. Instead, look at the slip as part of your process of ending the behavior. In AA they say  “progress, not perfection.”

This year we did something different for Hanukkah. Inspired by a comment one of my twin four-year-old daughters that she likes birthdays “because of the gifts,” my wise husband suggested that we start a new Hanukkah ritual of giving, instead of receiving.

In order to prepare them for the new tradition, I let my daughters know in advance that our first night (tonight) would be about helping others and that each of them would have an important job to do. They were both really excited.

After we lit the candles, I gave each of them three pieces of paper that listed a charity and showed an image having to do with that organization (they each got the same three charities to chose from in order to avoid fighting). I choose charities that had to do with animals, babies and young children because those are topics that interest both of my girls. I let them know they each had $10 to give to the charity of their choice and explained to them how each charity would most likely use that money to help their cause and let them pick for themselves.

When faced between choosing The March of Dimes, Farm Sanctuary, and Half the Sky Quincy and Mendez had a tough time deciding. At first both girls seemed set on Farm Sanctuary. I have to admit that picture of those cute rescued pigs were very persuasive. But in the end they chose to help Chinese orphans with Half the Sky. This wonderful organization provides nurture and stimulation programs for babies, innovative preschools that encourage an early love of learning, personalized learning opportunities for older children, and foster homes for children whose special needs will keep them from being adopted.

Then something interesting happened. Both my daughters asked if instead of getting presents in the second night of Hanukkah, they could give to another one of the charities. Perhaps we are onto something? I am really excited to help these wonderful organizations and to make this an annual tradition.

What kind of family traditions have you started to teach your children about giving to others?

Don’t miss Susan Heim’s terrific SuperBaby give-away! Just follow the instructions on her website to enter and win.

Winner gets a copy of SuperBaby: 12 Ways to Give Your Child a Head Start in the First 3 Years and an organic SuperBaby onesie from Retail Therapy.

Offer expires December 7th so get your entries in now!

Drum roll please. The winners are….

The Naturepedic Organic Mattress Raffle Tickets Winners are:

9/13 The Pump Station in Westlake Village- Leah Dwin

9/14 West LA Parents of Multiples- Dina Goodwin

9/15 The Little Seed- Donna Holloran

9/16 The Pump Station Santa Monica- Jessica Garland

Other Raffle Ticket Give-Aways:

SuperBaby Onesie by Retail Therapy- Melanie Steele

SuperBaby Onesie by Retail Therapy- Jenna Wizks

The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy Confident Kids signed book- Ginger Smith